My Search and Find
I started
searching for my birth mother when I was 18. I had
always known what my birth name and my birth mothers name
was. I knew where I was born and what town my
mother lived in when I was born. I started by writing to
everyone with the same last name listed in the phone book for
the area that she lived in. I received some very nice
letters from people who had never heard of her. No one
had ever heard of her. When I started writing those
letters I thought I would find her in no time, I was 18 and
very naive to say the least. That really stumped
me that no one had ever heard of her. I met a woman who
was from that area and she told me there was a home for
"wayward" girls there, and that all the girls there
who were pregnant had their babies in Augusta, where I was
born. That made sense to me mainly because I had heard
for years that I was going to end up in one of those homes if
I didn't straighten up!! Now I was really excited,
I just knew that within a matter of days I would be in the
arms of my "real" mother who had spent 18 miserable
years longing to hold her precious little girl. I told
you I was naive!! Come to find out the home had closed a
couple of years before and no one had any idea what happened
to the records. I finally did find out what happened to
the records in 1998, they are at the department of
corrections, the woman I talked with there was very nice but
could not find any record of my mother ever being there.
I'm jumping way ahead of myself here, let me go back to 1974.
I decided that
the easiest way to find her would be to get the records from
the courthouse where I was adopted. They had to have an
address for her and her parents. Didn't they? So I
went to see the probate judge. I had my original
adoption certificate with the record number and docket number
and her name and all on it, so there should be no problem.
The probate judge at that time was a very sweet old man.
I told him that I wanted to see my adoption records and he
said sure, just tell the clerk what you want and she'll show
you. I thought, WOW this is great, I'll be on my
way to her house in an hour! The clerk took my
certificate, got the number off it and went to the file
cabinets. She came back with a piece of paper that
contained the exact information that my certificate had except
it also had her age and marital status on it. That was
all. She said the other information was sealed and the
judge had to write an order to open it. By that
time he was gone. I lived a long way from there then and
it took almost a year before I could get back. The nice
judge who I had spoken with had retired. The new probate
judge was not a very nice man. He informed me that I had
no right to know anything and that I should be happy that
someone had wanted me and adopted me. The old you should
be grateful speech. It was a real blow. That
ended things for a while, I didn't have any idea what to do
next. I tried to get those records from that court for
the next 24 years. My adopted father told me in 1990
that my mother was dead. How did he know that when they
had always told me that they didn't know who she was. My
father died in 1991 and I thought any info I would ever get
died with him. In 1996 I got a computer and started
going on the internet. I found the Adult Adoptees Chat
Room at wbs right off the
bat. Well that changed everything. I really went
into a full fledged search, I finally had some hope and some
ideas on how to go about it. I also had something I had
never had before...ENCOURAGEMENT and a lot of support.
I registered on
every web site I could find. I started calling my
fathers friends to see if any one remembered anything about
when they got me. No one remembered anything. I
tried to contact the attorney they used but he was dead.
He kept all his records in his barn and it burned down in the
early 90s. I registered with the State of Maine's
Reunion Registry. I went back to the court, which is a
real long way now because I live in West Virginia!!
The judge is only in on Wednesday, I got there Thursday and
had to come home on Sunday. They gave me a form to fill
out and send back in. No luck, again. (some
big surprise there huh?) By then it was the end of 1997
and I was getting really sick. I suffered from manic
depression and this was not helping me any. Finally in
February of 1998 my therapist wrote a letter to the judge,
telling him that it was detrimental to my mental health not
knowing who my parents were. TWO WEEKS later I received
my ORIGINAL birth certificate in the mail. I also
finally received my non-id info. The only piece of
information on it that I could use was her place of birth.
I didn't know
her birth date, but I did know how old she was when I was born
so I just figured out the between dates for when she would
have been born. I called the city hall where she was
born and told them I would like to know her parents names.
The woman gave me her birth date, my grandfathers name and
place of birth and my grandmothers maiden name and place of
birth. I was loaded with all the info I needed then.
I went to Yahoo and Switchboard and looked for my
grandfather. I didn't find anyone with his name in
Maine. I went to the SSDI and looked him up and found
out that he died in 1992. I punched in my mother and my
grandmother and neither of them where in the SSDI. I
tried to find a listing for my grandmother but didn't find
one. Then I read my non-id. It said that my mother
was at that home because of her mothers inability to
discipline her. That made me think that my grandparents
must have been divorced because it should have said her
parents, not just her mother. So I went to the State of
Maine's Home Page. They have this wonderful marriage
database with all marriages in Maine before 1965 listed.
I punched in my grandmothers name and there it was, she
remarried in 1961. So went I back to Switchboard.
There was a listing for 1 person with the same last name in
the area, but the first name was different. I thought
well maybe it is his brother or something and they might know
where my grandmother was. I called the number and a
woman answered the phone. I asked her if she knew my
grandmothers husband. She said that was my husband.
I stopped breathing. I asked her if her name was Myrtle.
She said yes. I asked her if she had a daughter named
Margaret. She said yes. I started bawling my
head off!!!! I yelled at her "You're my
grandmother!!" She said "Oh dear".
I don't remember much of the conversation. I got my
mothers name, address and phone number. I tried to
call her but just kept getting the answering machine. I
finally got up enough courage to leave a message. I
wrote her a long letter and sent her a bunch of pictures of
me, my children and my grandson. I kept trying to call
for a couple of weeks but just kept getting the answering
machine. My grandmother had told me that I was lucky to
catch her at home because she usually spent the winter in
Tennessee with her son Richard. I went back to
Switchboard and got his number and called him. He
didn't even know my mother had had me because he had already
left home by then. He was so nice. He told
me that my mother usually spent the winter in Florida.
That eased my mind as to why I hadn't heard from her, she
wasn't home and didn't know I had found her. I went to
Tennessee to meet my UNCLE two weeks after I talked to him for
the first time. He gave me a bunch of pictures of my
mother when they were growing up and from a reunion they had
in 1981. I finally had a picture of her. She
didn't look anything like I thought she would. I found
out I had a sister and a brother. A few weeks later I
talked with my other Uncle in Maine. He gave me my
sisters number. I found out that my mother was not in
Florida, she had been home the whole while. I got a very
nasty letter from her telling me to leave her and HER family alone. So I called my sister. She made me send her
a copy of my original birth certificate. She called my
mother after I talked to her but my mother wouldn't tell her
anything. She would not even deny that I was me.
So she called my uncle and he told her that yes I was her
sister. She called me the next day and we talked.
She is only 29.
I went to Maine
last summer and met my uncle up there. My grandmother
was in Iowa with my aunt who died of lung cancer last
September. My mother and my sister both live in New
York. I stopped there for two days on my way home and
met my sister. I drove past my mothers house, and mailed
her birthday card from there. I was there on her
birthday.
I have not heard
one more word from my mother. I talk to my sister occasionally, when I call her. My brother just turned 20
and he still doesn't know that I exist. My Uncle in
Tennessee came and spent Christmas with us and I talk to him
often. He seems to be the only one in the family that
has any interest at all in a relationship with me.
I really can't
say that I would do it all over again. It really has
caused me a lot of pain. I still have no idea who my
father is and I guess I never will.
For anyone that
is searching I would say prepare yourself for the worst.
That way you will be ready if you are rejected. If
you are accepted it will be a double blessing for you. I
would not discourage anyone from searching, there are many
many happy reunions. I believe that we all have
the right to information about where we came from, and we have
the right to our original birth certificates.
Ingrid is my sister.
Dylan is my nephew. Adrienne is my daughter.
This is me.
So is this
This is my mother
And this is my grandson
Christian 
Please send any questions
or comments to me here.
Thanks for visiting and I hope you come back again. The best of
luck in your search and reunion. Donna
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